you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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