What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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