why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
