He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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