there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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