SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
