so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
