I must be too annoying 4 u.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
