The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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