ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
