im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
