Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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