we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
