hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
