Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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