i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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