it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
