My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
