Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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