ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
