Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
