There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We are all done wearing pants today
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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