we made out on top of his cat.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
