The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
