Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
