I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
