I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
