a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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