The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
barbara walters just said penis...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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