You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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