Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
