rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
