I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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