I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
