I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
