I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
