I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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