I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
