I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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