Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
