hotel room ftw
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
