He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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