From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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