My nipple is on Facebook.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
