I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
