Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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