Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
