i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I looked at my own cervix.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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