wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
