I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
